Empath 101: What I wish I knew about empathy.

When you talk about empath, you easily fall into the subject of narcissist and energy vampire. If you self-define yourself as a spiritual person, I doubt that you are still believing in the stereotypical black and white vision of life or the Disney illusion of the good guy, bad guy. You are probably wise enough to know that the world is drawn in infinite shades of greys. That is the important lesson I needed to be remembered of when I self-diagnosed myself as an empath.

1. The “I am special” illusion

That is one of the most dangerous trap you can fall into in the “spiritual” or “new age” movement. Every person that will make you believe there are special and you’re not or worst you are special and others are not is a scammer, a manipulator. Being strongly empathic is innate for many but it can be acquiring with practice. On different levels, I believe we are all empath as it falls into the spectrum of nonverbal communication. Of course, some of us absorb others’ energy effortlessly and it affects their mental and physical health but you are not special. Everybody copes with it in their own way unknowingly. Some mothers zone out when their teenagers dump all their negativities on them. Kids tend to brush off any complains you have toward them. Many are mental alchemist without knowing they are, laughing at horror movies or inspired to make art through their misery. Believing you are special is the ego talking. The ego wants to have attention and thinks it deserves a special treatment.

2. Empathy is not a curse, Drop the label

Never define yourself with a label you don’t love. If you feel that being an empath is a burden, don’t define yourself as one, it will only make it heavier on your shoulders. Be who you want to be. What you struggle with doesn’t define you. On the internet, you will mostly read negative things about empathy with a conclusion paragraph ending on a cheesy quote claiming “but empathy is a gift”. Well, all the years I’ve “struggled” with empathy it has never helped me once to hear that, “a gift my ass” I thought.

What really helped me is to no longer define myself as one, I acknowledge the fact that I was intuitive which is incredibly useful in every day life.
I will tell you what really helped me is to hold myself responsible for my body and mental health.  The victim mentality is something we all tend to dwell into, it feels right somehow but it causes so much damage.

3. Good guy, Bad guy syndrome

If you are a victim then there is an abuser. If you need protection it means you are in danger. Let go of that mental belief! When you act as a victim, you are also an energy vampire, sucking everybody energy by complaining about your “curse”, abusing yourself mentally, judging inapt of defending yourself. You are mother fucking strong, ok? You are not a victim! You have nothing to be afraid of, your mind is strong! It can be stronger if you want to! Feeling others emotion is a gift as a healer, you can understand their heart, listen to their sorrow and do your magic. Treat your gift as one, be joyful about it, a singer would train his voice, take care of his vocal cords and find his own color. Do the same, empathy is something we should all be in touch with, find your own way of healing others and more importantly: set boundaries. No one can take your energy without your consent, defining yourself as a victim, put the other in the place of the offender. As I’ve said earlier, never write a label for yourself you don’t want to wear. If you feel the need to be protected from the others, you label yourself as a victim. The best way of not being attacked is to refuse to be one and enter in your power.

I wish I knew all of that before dwelling on my oh very sensible soul self-pity. I forgot that my mental is actually very strong and my emotions should be controlled and channeled in useful way such as creative writing or art. Emotions are temporary, they are the compass that help us to find our way. Emotions have their purpose but don’t over estimate their importance. Knowing who you are, living your truth, will bring so much more joy into your life, you don’t HAVE TO be an empath.